


Just Say You Like Me

by paradisel0st



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Mutual Pining, Newspapers, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-sided pining, Slow Burn, Swearing, ask alice au, dense xiaojun, soft boy hendery, they all swear a lot, when i say slowburn i mean it literally ends with a kiss, xiaojun writes for the advice column
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22965253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisel0st/pseuds/paradisel0st
Summary: Xiaojun runs the advice column at his universities newspaper. One day an anonymous question comes in asking "how do I get someone to notice that they are loved", and for some reason he cant stop thinking about. So he writes about it. Unfortunately, after the paper is released, suitors come out from all around him to try and whoo him. Xiaojun is so focused on the chaos around him that he completely misses the fact that his best friend Hendery has been doing the things on the list as well.Or, the one where Hendery sends a question to Xiaojuns advice column, but still has to come up with the answer on his own.
Relationships: Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 27
Kudos: 232
Collections: 99' ft 00' fic fest





	Just Say You Like Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was prompt number #FT137! I want to thank the prompter for this amazing prompt. I had so much fun working with it and I really hope you enjoyed it as well!! I honestly didn't expect for it to get this long, but here we are!!! Hope you all enjoy <333

It's a silent kind of chaos every Saturday night before the Weishen University, “Take Off”, Monday papers are published. The familiar calling sound of seasoned fingers flying across keyboards fills the air of the newsroom as the student workers begin to finish up their articles and columns. The air is heavy with anxiety and stress as they straddle the deadlines once again.

The heavy scent of coffee grounds Xiaojun back into the real world, as he takes another sip out of his third cup of the night. 

Running an advice column for the universities school paper didn't seem like a hard gig at first. All he had to do was pick a question to answer and give his opinion on it, right? Xiaojun’s a pretty opinionated guy, so this seemed like a breeze. On top of that, he gets $11 an hour and only has to work 6 hours per week. It's good pocket money for when he wants to eat out or get boba from his favorite boba place off of West Street. It's easy money, it would have been ludicrous for him to have let this opportunity pass. 

However, he quickly realized that this job was much more than just writing out opinions on people's situations. Xiaojun had to learn how to be completely objective about situations and read people's situations and personalities beyond just the blurb of writing that was submitted to the newspaper. There was a lot of psychology and analysis to it, and that was way harder than Xiaojun had thought. 

He also quickly realized that the advice column was not the only job he would have to perform in the newsroom. 

The newsroom is chaotic, especially on Saturday nights before deadlines were due; and people need extra help getting things published, wrapped up nicely, and distributed to the newscarts around campus. So much work goes on behind the scenes, and it's a common practice for column writers and editors alike to do a lot of these behind the scenes tasks. 

Although the newsroom is not the easy money experience he craves for, Xiaojun is okay with what he has got. In fact, he is happy that the newsroom is the way it was. The chaotic nature of the newsroom brings the student workers together, and forms lifelong friendship and bonds. A lot of the student workers joke around about how they even made a little family here together. In fact, this same newsroom lead him to his best friends.

If it wasn't for the wrinkled fliers he saw on the floor asking for applications for an advice column writer two years ago, he wouldn't have his best friends Hendery and Yangyang by his side. 

However, sometimes these said friends can be extremely aggravating, especially on said Saturday nights. 

“So, how’s the Cupid column going” Yangyang shows up behind him with the most aggravating smile on his face and a steaming cup of coffee that matches Xiaojun's own. 

“It’s not a Cupid column, asshole” Xiaojun mutters, “aren’t you supposed to be doing something useful like writing your third article in a row about the new exciting minecraft block you can put in your farmhouse?” grounds out Xiaojun. He should have known the first thing Yangyang would do when coming back from break is come over to annoy him. 

“Haha. ahaha. Ha. Xiaojun, you are just soooo funny. Truly wasting your immense talent in humor on this dull Ask Alice column” Yangyang slumps into the seat next to Xiaojun, preparing himself for a long night of writing and editing ahead of him. 

Xiaojun just sighs and goes back to looking at his own empty screen.

The thing about writing an advice column is that you have to be in the right mindset for giving advice. The second thing is that you actually have to have advice for the question being asked. 

Right now, Xiaojun is suffering with both of these things. 

He doesn't know what possessed him to choose this submission for the advice column. In hindsight he thinks he was drawn to it because he too is curious about the answer. But that’s not how he’s supposed to choose submissions. He’s supposed to choose the questions he actually has some sort of practical information on himself, not the ones he wants answers to. 

Hence the blank page on the screen. 

The question in front of him asks “how do I get someone to notice that they are loved?”.

He can't quite explain what drew him to this question. Maybe it's the fact that the sender does not ask “how do I get someone to like me”, but instead asks “how do I get this person to notice that they are loved”. There is a type of innocence and purity to this question that draws Xiaojun in.

It does not ask for reciprocation, it is asking how to get someone to realize that someone out there is looking out for them, that someone out there cares so much about you that they don't care if you end up together, they just care that the person that they love notices that they are loved.

Maybe Xiaojun is a hopeless romantic, but he’ll never admit it. 

“Uggggh” Xiaojuns groans and puts his head in his hand rubbing over his face numerous times, “I seriously can't do this.”

“What's up with him?”, Hendery plops down on the empty desk to the left of Xiaojun while pointing at him.

“Dude, he's been staring at the same question for like 3 hours now and still hasn't written a word” Yangyang says with a mixture of sympathy and exasperation gracing his features. “He’s on his fourth cup of coffee”.

Hendery’s eyebrows shoot up as he whistles slowly and turns toward Xiaojun. 

“Thats rough buddy”. 

“You have two seconds to shut the fuck up before I pour the rest of this hell drink down your back” Xiaojun warns with a glare.

Hendery must have taken his threat seriously as he laughs and backs away with his hands in the air.

“You don't gotta tell me twice, Cupid,” Xiaojun tenses at that, just like Hendery knew he would, “Good luck with writing, I’ll leave you be.” 

The last part was quieter, more sincere. 

Yes, Hendery can get under his skin and can joke a little too much, but he knows when to get serious, especially around Xiaojun. It makes Xiaojun feel happy to know that someone pays enough attention to him to realize when to change the mood and when not too. He appreciates Hendery's friendship. 

While going on this little tangent in his head, a metaphorical light bulb sparked within him. 

The little things. The little things that people do in relationships, whether it be familial or friendship or romantic are the ones that matter! 

If the questioner's purpose is truly to get someone to realize that this person cares for them, and to make the other feel appreciated, then reciprocation doesn't matter. Big romantic gestures don't matter. 

Xiaojuns lack of experience with romantic relationships serves as a roadblock for this specific question. But what he lacks in romantic experience he more than matches in platonic experience. 

And with this new vigor and drive settling in, he finally starts to type. 

\-----------------

It's Monday morning and the school newspaper comes out today. Hendery makes a beeline for the news stand outside one of the dining halls on campus, and snatches one up as soon as possible.

He flips through the paper, scanning the pages for a very specific article. 

“5 Fool Proof Steps to Get a Guy to Notice that You’re Interested” - Xiaojun

Hendery closes the paper for a second to collect himself. 

Its not exactly the question that he has asked, but this actually seems to work out even better for him. Its nerve wracking though, to see the muse behind Hendery's question answering it as well. 

He takes 3 deep breaths: 1,2,3

Okay, he’s ready. 

He opens the paper again and begins to scan the article for the tldr section that Xiaojun always ends up putting at the bottom of his column for the lazy readers. Henderys never been so thankful. There's no way Hendery could read the full column right now without legitimately bursting into flames. He finds the section formatted in the form of bullet points and sighs in relief; seems easy enough to follow. 

Now, he tells himself, it's time to actually read the steps. 

“Step 1). Buy him his favorite coffee in the morning.

Step 2). Ask him about his day !!

Step 3). Look him in the eyes when you talk to him or if he talks to you, it allows him to know that you genuinely care about what he has to say.

Step 4). Unnecessary (but respectful) touches. Lean into him when he talks and maybe touch his arm. Play with his hands or hair. Hang off his shoulders, etc. 

Step 5). Playfully call him cute nicknames like babe, baby, cutie, honey, etc.”

What?

Hendery’s officially confused. Did he read that right? He goes back over the words again and again, and even scans the actual article just to make sure that what he’s reading is actually what’s written in those bullet points.  
He’s in shock. Does Xiaojun already know how Hendery feels for him?

Hendery goes through the list step by step once more. 

Step 1). Buy him his favorite coffee in the morning.

Well, maybe he doesn't do it in the morning, but he does know Xiaojuns coffee order by heart and gets him a coffee every Saturday night. That's kind of the same thing right? Well, he also gets coffee for the rest of the team sometimes on Saturdays, but they are not specially ordered, so Xiaojun must know he’s special right?

Hendery makes a mental note to try to get Xiaojun coffee more than 1 day a week.

Step 2). Ask him about his day.

Okay this one was easy. Hendery does this every day anyway. No matter what time of day it is, no matter how many times he’s already asked, every time Hendery greets Xiaojun it’s either with a “how was your day”, or a version similar to it. Hendery always makes sure to ask about Xiaojun. Not just because he’s got a massive crush on him, but because he genuinely cares. I mean, no matter what, Xiaojun is his best friend. Of course he’s going to be interested in his day. 

But then again…. Because of that thought process, he ends up asking all of his friends how their days are as a way of greeting. Because he is genuinely interested in them and their lives. And Xiaojun is almost always around Hendery if they're not working or in classes, so Xiaojun knows that it's kind of a habit for Hendery to greet people this way. 

But Hendery asks Xiaojun how he is way more than any of his other friends, he must notice that right? 

Step 3). Look him in the eyes when you talk to him or if he talks to you, it allows him to know that you genuinely care about what he has to say.

This was also way too easy. He does this automatically when talking to Xiaojun.

Well.

He does this automatically when talking to anyone. If he’s talking to someone he always tries to give them his undivided attention. He wants the people who are talking to him to know that he appreciates the fact that they want to share their lives and their days with him, and what better way to show them that then to make eye contact with them. 

But the thing is, he will look at Xiaojun even if Xiaojun isn't talking. He likes looking into Xiaojuns eyes regardless of whether or not words are being spoken. Xiaojun must know the difference, right?

Step 4). Unnecessary (but respectful) touches. Lean into him when he talks and maybe touch his arm. Play with his hands or hair. Hang off his shoulders, etc. 

Hendery grows impossibly tenser than before. Hmm. So that's a sign of romantic affection? 

Hendery is an affectionate person by nature. His parents always hang off of their kids, friends, and each other. He grew up around tons and tons of affection, and at one point thought that was just how people were. 

Luckily for him, all his friends growing up were really receptive to his affectionate behaviors, so he carried that trait with him all the way into college. With that being said. He’s extremely affectionate to Xiaojun….. And Yangyang and Kun and Ten and ….. Yeah… you get the point. 

But, even though he’s super affectionate with people, he only ever holds Xiaojuns hand. That much has to be obvious to Xiaojun. It has to be…. right?

Step 5). Playfully call him cute nicknames like babe, baby, cutie, honey, etc.

….

Well, Hendery thinks he might just be fucked.

He uses the term babe like frat boys use the term bro. 

Now that he’s taken the time to actually look through and think about each individual step, he realizes that he does this shit with every single one of his friends. How is Xiaojun supposed to know that Hendery likes him when Hendery calls half the editing staff babe, and hangs off Yangyang like he’s attached to him. 

ughh. Crushes are stressful. Especially when they're on your best friend. And especially when it possibly maybe probably could be a little bit more than a crush T_T. and especially when your crush thinks you're probably crushing on every person you meet ;-;

Hendery needs to think of a plan of action, because he knows from the already growing nausea in his stomach, that he can not just accept the fact that Xiaojuns own Fool Proof Guide to Love is Hendery proof. 

\-----------------

Xiaojun has been stressed and wound up all week and he’s trying to figure out why. It’s as if each minute that passes by brings up another itch on his skin that he just can't seem to scratch, and now his skin is churning and burning and itching all over. 

It may have been because the paper was released yesterday, but he’s never felt this way about the paper before. It shouldn't be any different now. 

Except it is different this time, and he knows it is, because he’s on his 6th cup of fucking coffee today. 

As much as he does not want to believe it, ever since that stupid paper had been released, people have been coming up to Xiaojun and doing the things on his list. 

He’s never seen so many acquaintances suddenly so interested in his plans, and it's really starting to irritate him. 

It just doesn't make any sense, where were all these so called admirers before this stupid article-

“Ow what the fuck” Xiaojun yelps,ready to fight whoever the fuck just spilled coffee on his favorite fucking sweater. As he looks up, assessing the situation, he sees Hendery standing in front of him, shocked with half a cup of coffee in hand.

“Ah fuck, sorry jun” mumbles Hendery, eyes fixated on the large coffee stain covering the lower right side of Xiaojuns cream colored sweater. 

Hendery makes a move for his pockets, presumably to check for napkins, but comes up empty. 

Xiaojun takes a deep breathe and counts to ten, collecting himself before he says something he will regret.

“Dude. You have one second to get the fuck away from me before I fucking kill you” 

So that didn't exactly go as planned. But Hendery always seems to know not to take the things Xiaojun says personally. Xiaojun is very short tempered and sometimes says things that he does not mean, so the fact that Hendery can understand his humor and coping mechanisms and just roll with it is something he’s really thankful for. 

“Come on man” Hendery’s says with a smirk, eyes sparkling while bumping into his shoulder “I really am sorry that happened, didn't plan on it. Also, here’s some coffee, or at least the rest of it. I owe you one for helping me revise my article last week” he ends with a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, a slight pink tint to his cheeks.

Hendery has the sense to look a bit apologetic and bashful about it, and it warms Xiaojuns heart. Even more than the coffee stain burning through his favorite sweater. But it's okay, his favorite sweater takes the backseat to his favorite person any day of the week. 

So Xiaojun grabs the cup of coffee, regardless of how many he’s had in the past 48 hours, and how this exact cup of coffee is already melting, stinging, and sticking on his skin, and drinks it.

“Ugh thank god.” Xiaojun mumbles around the coffee. It’s Xiaojun’s favorite order, and he’s so thankful for that, because if he has to drink any more shitty sugar water disguised as coffee, he will go crazy.

“I mean, no, I’m Hendery, but go off I guess.” Hendery’s looking at Xiaojun with a big smirk on his face and mirth shining in his eyes as he teases Xiaojun.

Xiaojun turns to slap Hendery’s arm, but he’s too fast and already ran out of reach while laughing. 

“Don't think you should run around with that, babe, might spill more of it on yourself” shouts Hendery from the well thought out and planned distance he’s put between Xiaojun and himself.

Xiaojun takes it back. Hendery’s no longer his favorite person, he’s a dead man. And with that thought he starts to close the distance and bolts after his best friend. 

\-----------------

“So operation be cute and get Xiaojun some coffee failed pretty fucking bad. I honestly don't think I’m cut out for this whole “do cute things while also not being stupid” thing guys” sighs Hendery while looking up at his friends from across the table.

Hendery and his friends decided to meet at their favorite cafe on 32nd street. It’s close by Kun, Ten, and Lucas’s shared apartment, and the coffee here is fantastic, so Hendery doesn't mind the long walk it takes to get there. Also, Hendery needs some major help on how to perfectly execute plan “Get Xiaojun to know he’s liked” because so far, Hendery’s been dropping the ball. 

“Dude. I promise you, all you have to do is tell Xiaojun you like him. And if he doesn't like you back then I’ll literally fucking eat him, so no worries bro”. Hendery laughs at that. Lucas may not be the best at advice, but what he lacks in the advice column he more than makes up for in support and loyalty. 

“No Lucas, you’re not fucking eating Xiaojun. And Hendery, to be completely frank, you should have confessed a long time ago” says Kun, looking at Hendery with a mix of sympathy and the tiniest bit of frustration.

“Okay first of all I don't know any Frank’s” Kun rolled his eyes at that, “And second, why do I have to be the one who confesses? If yall are so sure that he likes me back, then why cant he confess” whines Hendery dejectedly. He knows he’s acting like a baby, but he can’t help it. Confessing is hard, regardless of whether or not he has a shot. Because while there's the chance of romantically charged hand holding and all the other fun things that come with being in a relationship, there's also the chance that there will be no more hand holding, or platonic cuddling, or any type of physical affection after the confession is out in the air. 

Hendery knows he can't deal with that.

“Hey man” Yangyang says softly, “it's gonna be alright. And to be honest, you do have a point there. It shouldn't just be on you to confess if it really is a mutual feeling. But dude. You did read the article right? Trick question I know you did so shut up.” Hendery didn't even try to speak. “The article literally describes what you do, right? But it describes what you do for everyone. Xiaojun was probably thinking of you without even realizing it! And dude, if we’re really being honest here, why would Xiaojun ever feel comfortable confessing to you if he thinks you’ve got a crush on half the campus. You're jolly sunshine and rainbow attitude has fucked you over in the end my friend”. Yangyang says matter of factly.

“Say dude one more time and I’ll cut your favorite balenciaga hat tonight.” adds Winwin nonchalantly while scrolling through his phone. 

“Dude….” whispers Yangyang under his breath spitefully. 

“Hey guys shut up. Let's get back to the problem here. My fucking brain. How do I get rid of it?” Everyone looks at Hendery all at once, exasperated looks painting all of their faces. 

“Hendery, can you please shut the fuck up for a second” Ten says while rubbing his temples. 

“Yeah!” Yangyang agrees, “And also did you listen to anything I just said? It was pretty freaking profound if you ask me.” 

“No one asked, Yanyang” Ten quips in cheerfully. 

“I thought we were on the same team, Ten. The betrayal is poignant. Also, no one is sticking up for me? Yall suck so bad. I freaking hate it here” Yangyang grumbles to himself. 

No one ever answers Yangyangs dramatic tantrums (they happen way too often to acknowledge), but they all pat him on the shoulder, or ruffle his hair, just so Yangyang knows they're just playing. That’s one of Hendery’s favorite things about his friends. They are super understanding of each other, and even if they have trouble expressing it in words, you can always feel the love they have for each other through their actions.

Lucas clasps his hands together and clears his throat, effectively shifting everyone's focus to the task at hand. “Alright fellas. So we’ve all come to the conclusion that Hendery’s bright and sunny personality ruined his chances of ever getting Xiaojun to realize he likes him right? So essentially, you can either 1). Confess to him outright, or 2). Stop caring for your other friends so he gets the point”

Everyone pauses to look at Lucas in horror. There's no way in hell that Hendery would ever go with option 1. They all understand him for that, and can't really blame him, all things considered. But that also means that Hendery may actually consider option 2. And that option fucking blows. Hendery’s the kindest, cutest, most cuddly person their friend group has ever met in their lives. For Hendery to not act like Hendery for even a day would be torture for the rest of them. 

“Lucas, babe, you absolute brilliant man” praises Hendery “Why didn't I think of that before?? I’ll just keep my friendship habits on the downlow for the meantime. Lucas, have I told you how much I appreciate you babe? Literally so much” Hendery cries while practically flying over the table to give Lucas a bear hug. 

“Okay man I get it, but if you’re really gonna go through with this, you’re gonna have to start paying attention to how you act” says Lucas pointedly looking back and forth between Hendery and the arms wrapped around himself expectantly.

“Ah yes” Hendery says awkwardly while pulling his arms away. “No more hugs” He says softer and sadder.

“Damn,this is gonna be a long fucking week” sighs Ten exasperated as he Winwin, Yangyang and Kun share a pointed look.

“A week?” Winwin chuckles incredulously, “we can only hope” 

\-----------------

A week comes and goes, yet nothing changes. It starts and ends with the same old habits Hendery’s always had, and in the same place it always has; the editing room for the paper.

Hendery is exhausted. He tried going through with his “ignore his friends” plan for all of two hours before he literally couldn't do it anymore. If he had to see one more sad/confused face after rejecting a hug he was gonna lose it. So, plan B isn't for him. Which is a shame. So he has evaluated how to execute this plan and decided that he just has to continue to do the things on the checklist, except do them 10 times louder than before.

He gives Xiaojun coffee every morning for the rest of the week. Asks how he is multiple times a day, what he’s planning tomorrow, how he feels about those plans etc. He gets super touchy feely, linking pinkies, intertwining fingers when holding hands, surprise back hugs etc. He even started saying nicknames like “honey, sweetheart, angel”, but nothing seems to work. 

Hendery and Xiaojun are the same old best friends they always were. And that's all good and fine. He is totally okay with being just friends with Xiaojun if he gets to stay by his side that way. But it's becoming really overwhelming not knowing whether or not Xiaojun knows about Hendery’s feelings for him. 

It’s beginning to get extremely frustrating as well. Especially because Hendery isn't the only one trying to romance Xiaojun. It looks like half the student body wants to date Xiaojun, and really, who can blame them? It’s extremely valid, but it doesn't make it any less annoying to see. 

The only thing keeping him sane about this whole experience, is that Xiaojun seems to hate all of the newfound attention. He’s complained about so many guys, nasty coffee drinks with too much sugar, and overall social interaction that it's hard for Hendery to keep track of it. 

As relieved as Hendery is about Xiaojun’s seemingly disinterested attitude toward all of these people, he also can't help but feel frustrated. Xiaojun seems to have a 6th sense for potential interests. It’s not that hard to catch when they all follow the list number by number, but he still manages to spot every interested guy that comes his way.

That is, of course, excluding Hendery. 

And Hendery feels really dishonest toward his best friend and he hates that feeling. On a more selfish note, Hendery is also just really sick and tired of running the same race just to find himself right behind the starting line again and again. 

So, he decides to go with plan A. The plan he should have gone with a long time ago, according to what all of his friends believe. 

It’s hard though, almost impossible. Hendery has this weird little thing with feelings where he can't directly express them, even platonically.

I mean, it's not really feelings that Hendery has a problem expressing. It's saying and hearing the L word. You know, L-O-V-E. He hates it. 

His friends all know this too. He doesn't feel comfortable with words, especially ones that hold as much meaning as love. 

He likes feeling loved, though. His friends all love him, Xiaojun included, but saying it and meaning it is scary. It’s scary and even though those words can be comforting and kind, they can also be used as a weapon. Hendery’s had his fair share of being stabbed in the heart with those sharp words, he doesn't want to go through that anymore.

Plan A never seemed like an option, because Hendery will never be comfortable expressing his love through words. But plans B, C, D, and so on were never an option either, and he knows this.

That doesn't make Plan A any less scary though. It's terrifying, but it's time for Hendery to let the fear in and be brave about it.

Hendery knows that being brave doesn't mean you are unafraid, it's facing that fear head on without running from it. Hendery has been running from this fear since he was born. He’s been running from the word “love” from the time his parents first wielded it, to the time his ex last swung the sword. 

And he’s sick, so so sick of pretending to run a race that he hasn't even taken the first step toward finishing.

So he’s resigned himself towards finally taking that first step toward Plan A. Not for the sake of romance and to win a stupid race he’s made up in his mind. But because it is about time he reclaims that word and gives it a different meaning, one that finally feels safe, one that finally feels like home.

This is the first step toward moving on and moving forward in life. It’s scary, but for the first time in Hendery’s life, it is also welcome. 

\-----------------

Hendery has been off for the past couple of days, or more like on. Uncharacteristically on. 

Every morning for the past three days, about a week and a half after the "coffee incident", Hendery has shown up outside of Xiaojun’s dorm with his favorite cup of morning coffee. 

Hendery has also been testing out different nicknames. Xiaojun knows that Hendery usually does things like this, switching from one nickname (bruh) to another (babe), but the terms seem much to…. endearing? 

He can't imagine Hendery calling people angel or sweetheart in the same manner he does when Hendery uses the word babe. It just seems too soft for him.

But then again, Hendery’s very unpredictable when it comes to things like this, so Xiaojun just takes each pet name in stride, even though names like this make him blush. 

Hendery’s also been way more touchy feely recently. He is naturally a very physical person, so Xiaojun really isn't surprised per see. But paired with all of the other strange things that are going on with Hendery recently, he is a bit worried. 

Xiaojun knows that Hendery needs the most physical affection when he’s hurting, so he cant help but wonder if there's something wrong with Hendery, or if he’s hurting. 

Xiaojun’s train of thought is interrupted by an abrupt knock on the door. 

Even if Xiaojun can't smell the cinnamon soy latte from behind the door, he would still know who the person behind is. And that's what concerns him the most. The fact that he knows Hendery is behind that door, probably faking a smile, and doing nice things to distract himself from whatever is on his mind.

Xiaojun needs Hendery to be okay. And he knows that if Hendery wants to tell him about something, he will, and if he hasn't, then maybe he just isn't ready yet. But, his nerves have taken over his body. So he decides then and there that the only way to get this crushing weight of anxiety over his friend of his shoulders, is to be as direct as possible and just ask if there is something wrong.

With his newfound resolve, Xiaojun opens the door.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Hendery says, eyes crinkling at the corners while smiling at Xiaojun, “one order of a nasty ass cinnamon soy latte, just for you”.

Xiaojun tries to keep his composure, but it's so hard to stay serious around Hendery when he’s in a playful mood. So Xiaojun gives into the banter. 

“Oh, sorry, I think you’ve got the wrong dorm. I ordered the best, most amazing, absolutely rich in flavor and in deliciousness, cinnamon soy latte. I’d check next door if I were you.” says Xiaojun as he takes the cup of coffee from Hendery's hand.

Xiaojun watches Hendery push past the door and make his way to Xiaojuns bed as he chuckles and shoots back with “No, the delivery instructions specifically said “deliver to the person with the big ass Haikyuu poster on the wall”. I think it's safe to say that you’re the only one in this dorm hall that fits the bill”.

“Alright, you can make fun of me, you can make fun of my latte, but never, and i mean NEVER make fun of my volleyball boys” states Xiaojun with feigned seriousness. 

“Also, before you distract me anymore with your bad coffee taste and shit anime opinions, I have something I wanted to ask you”. Xiaojun is taking charge of this conversation, because as much as he loves his daily banters with his best friend, he also knows when it's time to get serious. And there is never a better time than now. 

“Uh, yeah. Actually….. I was also going to say something to you as well” says Hendery while rubbing his neck “but you can go first!” 

“Okay cool” responds Xiaojun, “So, I’ve noticed that you’ve been acting a bit different around me. Not different as in completely out of the norm, but the kind of different that happens only on certain occasions. Like, you’re very affectionate all of a sudden, in both physical affections and pet names. And you’ve been getting me coffee every morning as well. And I was just wondering…. Is everything okay? You usually only get super affectionate when something is wrong. And you never buy me this much coffee. Was it because of the spill earlier this week?” 

Xiaojun is rambling and he knows that he is, but he can't seem to stop himself. Why did he even mention the spill? How self- absorbed is he to assume that Hendery’s feeling bad because of something as small as a spill earlier this month. And yet, he keeps going anyway.

“You know that you don't need to worry about that right? Spills happen man, I’m not upset about it, so no need to feel bad about it!! And like I said, if there is something actually bothering you, then please tell me. I’m your best friend man, and you’re mine. I’m always gonna be here for you”

Okay, Xiaojun thinks to himself, That didn't go as bad as he thought it would. He kinda saved it there at the end too. In fact, Xiaojun is actually really proud of his little speech, now that it's over. 

However, that pride left almost as quick as it went as soon as he sees Hendery’s face. 

Hendery looks hurt. He looks vulnerable, and confused, almost trembling under his best friends gaze.

Hendery swallows before answering. 

“So”, begins Hendery, “Nothings wrong exactly. I’ve had a lot of school work so far, the semester has been pretty crazy too. Maybe that's why I may look a little on edge. But wow Xiaojun, you really do pay a lot of attention. Thanks for noticing and taking the time to ask me if something is up. I do appreciate it a lot. I am kinda going through something right now too, but I’m okay. I might feel comfortable telling you one day, but I don't think now is the best time. Just know that even if I seem distant emotionally or whatever, that all of you guys mean a lot to me and I really do love you”.

Xiaojuns too relieved in knowing that Hendery is okay to see the shock and fear written all over his best friend's face as he answers back “Of,course dude, you're my best friend. I love you too”. 

\-----------------

Unfortunately, Xiaojun realizes, the relief he felt after confronting Hendery is short-lived. In fact, things have gotten much, much worse. 

Whereas a week ago there was so much of Hendery everywhere, now there is a distinct lack of the excited and fun loving boy. 

Xiaojun has tried texting and calling his best friend, but it always ends the same way. He’s being ghosted, or at last, that's what it feels like. But Xiaojun has no idea why?

He’s been wracking his brain for possible reasons as to why Hendery has been avoiding him all week, but comes up blank. The last time they met everything seemed fine. I mean, Hendery looked a bit frazzled and upset, but he’s going through something personal, so it makes sense. Maybe that’s why Hendery isn't answering right now. Because he wants to go through this alone.

But at the same time, what doesn't make sense is that Hendery is going through this alone when he knows his friends will always be there to help him through tough times. It's incredibly frustrating for Xioajun to know that his best friend is having a tough time, and he is unable to be there by his side, even though he desperately wants to be. 

In fact, its not just frustrating, its really fucking annoying too. Like, yeah, he gets that Hendery needs his space, but a week of radio silence without any communication or clues as to what's going on is really upsetting. Hendery is still Xiaojun’s best friend, and he understands that people can't always be ready to interact or act as a support for someone, but Hendery just being there is enough. Xiaojun just wants Hendery to be here with him. He’s angry because he misses him and he doesn't know what to do about it. 

There's a sudden jingling sound as Kun opens the doors to the cafe that Xiaojun has been sulking in for the past half hour. 

Finally, Xiaojun thinks to himself as Kun nods his way and starts to walk over to him. 

“Hey man, sorry I’m late,” Kuns says while sitting in the seat across from Xiaojun “Yangyang and Lucas got wasted last night, and I had to clean up the mess. It was not pretty” Kun cringes out. 

“It’s all good. I was gonna ask how you were doing, but I don't really think I want any more details about that” laughs Xiaojun. 

“That is extremely fair” Kun responds, “so, how have you been”

“I’m glad you asked because I’ve got a lot to say” sighs Xiaojun while rubbing the back of his neck. “I think Hendery is avoiding me” continues Xiaojun while looking down.

When Xiaojun looks back up at Kun, he notices that Kun has a strange look in his eyes. A mixture of shock, confusion, and a hint of fear. Xiaojun wonders what that's about. 

“Oh?” Kun mulls over what Xiaojun has said before continuing on, “That's really unlike Hendery, why do you think he’s avoiding you?”

“Well, he doesn't answer my texts or calls, and I haven't seen or heard from him in like 5 days, and I honestly don't think we’ve gone on this long without talking since we first met each other and exchanged numbers” Xiaojun rushes out. 

Now Kun looks completely dumbfounded. 

“Wait a minute, youre saying that Hendery hasn't even texted you within the past 5 days?” asks Kun incredulously. 

“Yeah, that's exactly what I’m saying” groans out Xiaojun as he rubs his hands over his face and then back to massage his temples. “This is seriously stressing me out Kun, and he wont answer my messages, so even though I’m trying to reach out, its not working” 

“Okay, okay. Calm down” Kun says in a soothing and gentle voice “Let's think through this rationally. There really shouldn't be any reason that he wouldn't text you. To be honest, he’s been texting me recently, even though he does seem a bit down from the messages that I got. So think back to your last interaction with him and tell me if there's anything that crosses your mind as a potential red flag.” Xiaojun wonders how Kun can be so calm in a situation like this.

“Nice try Kun, but I’ve already done that. There was literally nothing out of the ordinary with our last conversation.” Xiaojun is getting increasingly more frustrated as time goes on, because not even Kun can make sense of this situation. And to top it off, Hendery’s phone hasn't been off, or broken, or stolen, or any of the other excuses that have popped into Xiaojun’s head. No, it's official, Hendery has just been ignoring Xiaojun. 

Before Xiaojun can really start to sulk about this new found realization Kun comes in with another question. 

“Can you tell me what happened when you guys last met? Try to tell me the details too if you don't mind. Maybe I can find something there that you didn't catch?” asks Kun hopefully. 

“Alright,” Xiaojun agrees “I guess I can do that. So it all started at the beginning of last week. Hendery had been acting strange. Buying me coffee everyday, being overly affectionate and nice, and just generally being more amped than usual. It was starting to put me on edge a bit because he usually does all of these things when he’s upset. Well, he does those things anyway, but when he’s upset they escalate. It's kind of like a front he has where he pretends that everything is okay by doing the absolute most for everyone without thinking of himself. I was really worried because usually it lasts for a day or two and then he confides in me and we can work through it together, but this lasted the whole week. So I mentioned it to him and asked if there was something that was bothering him, and that he could talk to me about everything, we are best friends after all, you know. And he looked really sad, but it went well because he did mention he was going through something, he just can't tell me yet, but to not worry about it so much because we're best friends and he loves me. So I just said yeah, we are best friends, and that I loved him too” Xiaojun finishes his rant while catching his breath. 

Kun has been looking increasingly more confused and frustrated as the story went on, and when Xiaojun got to the end of the story, Kuns eyes widened. 

“Wait a minute,” Kun rushes out “Hendery said he loved you?” Kun looks beyond stressed out right now and it’s doing nothing to qualm Xiaojun’s already heightened fears.

“Uhhhh, yeah dude. We’re best friends. Of course we say I love you to each other, just like we do with all of you” says Xiaojun matter of factly, except wait a minute. They don't do that, they've actually never done that. Hendery is afraid of the L word. Oh fuck, Xiaojuns thinks to himself.

“Okay, but no actually. Hendery doesn't ever say I love you to anyone.” Kun snaps back angrily. “He may show it a lot, but he never really says it. He’ll say stuff like “I lurv u” or “might drop the l word” or some dumb shit like that, but I dont think I’ve ever heard him say the word love. You know he’s got some serious issues with that, and yet you didn't think about that part of the conversation at all?” spits out Kun. Kun is seething. Xiaojun can practically feel the daggers being thrown at him a mile a minute from Kuns death glare. By the time Xiaojun manages to open his mouth again, he’s estimating that Kun has imagined stabbing him at least 4 times in the back already. 

“Uhm. yeah, no I obviously didn't think to think of that yet. I was just really fucking happy that he was okay, and can you blame me? I was worried for my best friend, I wasn't thinking about the semantics, just the fact that he is okay” Xiaojun says, on defense mode. He gets why Kun would be angry at him for this. Forgetting something as important as Henderys visibly discomfort surrounding the “L” word is a big fuck up on Xiaojun’s part. And he knows he’s fucked up. But that can’t possibly be what's keeping him apart from Hendery right now, and Xiaojun feels that Kun fixating on this aspect of the interaction isn't helping anyone at the moment.

Kun still isn't getting it from the look of undisguised anger and disbelief he’s throwing at Xiaojun.

“Oh my fucking god, do you fucking hear yourself right now Xiaojun?” Kun is probably seeing in red by now basing off how red Kuns entire face is, Xiaojun thinks to himself. “Maybe you should stop thinking about yourself and how you perceive things and start putting yourself in other people's shoes. Instead of telling me that it was okay that you said I love you to Hendery, how about you ask yourself why Hendery said it to you-”. 

“I dont fucking know why he said it to me Kun! Thats the whole fucking point of all of this. I have no idea whats on his mind because he wont fucking talk to me!” Xiaojun practically yells at Kun.  
Kun startles and Xiaojun freezes after the outburst. Xiaojun looks around and smiles apologetically at the other cafe goers before turning back to Kun and sighing. 

“Fuck” Xiaojun whispers lowly while rubbing at his face again. “I’m really sorry, I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. That was really uncool of me” Xiaojun apologizes. 

“Hey, no worries” says Kun “I owe you an apology too”. 

Xiaojun looks up from the table to see Kun smiling at him. Xiaojun matches it with one of his own. 

“I’m not going to help you out anymore on this one though, man. You two have got to work this shit out on your own” Kun adds seriously. “It’ll all work out though, I believe in you guys” 

“I don't really understand what that means, but I’ll take your word for it” Xiaojun says with a smile, and a budding feeling of hope starting to make a home in chest.

\-----------------

Xiaojun lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling as he plays back the conversation that he and Hendery had over and over again. 

It is strange that Hendery said he loved him. Xiaojun knows Hendery loves him. He knows Hendery loves a lot of people actually. Hendery loves everyone to be honest. That’s why something like saying I love you seems like such a common place for some who holds as much love as Hendery. Because Hendery just has so much love to give. But Xiaojun knows that it's not a common place. He is one of the only people privy to this information about Hendery. And to forget something as important as that, to overlook something so pivotal to the way Hendery interacts with others, due to his own stress and worry makes his skin crawl. 

The more he mulls everything over, the more wrong doings he sees, and the more guilt builds within him. Xiaojun realizes it wasn't just the worry that made him overlook Hendery’s words, but it was also that damn article he wrote a month ago. Ever since that stupid article came out, nothing has gone right. He’s so stressed he lost sight of the most important person to him, Hendery. 

Xiaojun groans and rolls around in his bed, angry and frustrated at himself for ever writing the stupid article in the first place.

He chose that question because of its sweet and innocent nature, And of course, as with most things, people just had to go and ruin it. All Xiaojun wanted to do was help the person who asked this question make the person they loved feel loved without the burden of saying it out loud.

And then, as if a bolt of lightning just ran through his veins, he shoots upright on his bed with a gasp. 

“Oh my god, it can't be that” Xiaojun whispers to himself frantically. He throws his covers of his legs and jumps out of bed, making a mad dash for his desk. He ruffles through the papers that litter the desk and finds the newspaper from 3 weeks ago, flipping to the page with his column on it. 

There, in a step by step tutorial by Xiaojun himself, is how to get someone to notice they like you.

The wheels are starting to turn in Xiaojun’s mind as he finally starts to connect the dots. The multiple coffee runs, the new pet names, the over affectionate attitude, everything is making so much sense now, and all of the answers Xiaojun had been frantically looking for had been here on his shitty desk the whole time.

“Holy shit” Xiaojun whispers into the air for the second time that evening, “he fucking likes me” 

The scariest part isn't even the fact that his best friend definitely likes him and potentially is in love with him. No, the scariest part is that Xiaojun isn't all that afraid of knowing this. In fact, the more he thinks about it, the more comfortable he feels about it. Hendery knows him, really knows him. He knows all of Xiaojuns faults, failures, insecurities etc. Hendery is in love with Xiaojun for Xiaojun, and he’s never felt so blessed before in his life. He takes the good with the bad and bares it with a smile, acting as a pillar of unwavering support. 

He feels that unwavering support starting to wobble, and that is what scares him the most right now. Not the fact that his best friend could be in love with him, but the fact that Xiaojun is so infuriatingly daft, that he could lose the chance to be with the person that he loves over a gross miscommunication. 

Wait a second. Xiaojun backpedals in his mind, going over his thoughts once more. Holy shit, he thinks to himself, I think I may love him too. 

Well, to be honest, this realization has been long overdue, and Xiaojun knows that. He knows that he holds Hendery’s hand a little longer than necessary, or gets lost in Hendery's deep galaxy-like eyes a little too easily sometimes; but Xiaojun doesn't really ruminate on his feelings for too long. He’s been harboring a harmless crush for years, or so he thought. But, it looks like that crush grew a mind of its own without ever telling Xiaojun of its plan. 

Now that Xiaojun understands just how deep his feelings run, he forms a plan of action. The goal is clear; to hopefully make Hendery feel just as loved as he has always made Xiaojun feel.

\-----------------

Hendery skips the newsroom this week. 

It sucks because the newsroom has become a second home for him. At this point the only one, but he shakes that thought away as soon as it forms. He doesn't want to think about that at the moment.

Hendery has found his people, after what felt like so long searching for them. It's a shame he doesn't have the guts to face them right now. 

He knows he’s got a responsibility as an editor to do his part. But he’s also got a responsibility to himself to get out of whatever funk he’s stuck in and move on with his life. 

So, Xiaojun might never love him back. So, Xiaojun will never know how much Hendery loves him, despite Hendery’s best efforts to try and show him. So what? Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it is heartbreaking. But time doesn't stop for heartbreak, and he has friends he wants to see and a life to get back to. 

So he calls in sick, knowing that although it felt like the cowards way out, it is going to be good for him in the long run. 

He sulks for the entirety of the weekend, shutting himself away from the outside world and any means of human interaction. By the time Monday rolls around, he is still nowhere near closer to feeling different than he had before. In fact, he may even feel worse, but he knows that ignoring his friends, including Xiaojun, has got to end at some point this week. He wants to give himself a day or two more before seeing or reading anything that reminds him of Xiaojun, including the paper, but Hendery’s not that strong. He’s always been weak for his friends, especially Xiaojun. 

So, he picks up this week's “Take Off” Paper and flips to page 8, where Xiaojun’s weekly advice column is usually laid out. 

But, where Xiaojun’s advice column should lie, is now a movie review by Yangyang for Sonic the Hedgehog. 

Something not right here Hendery thinks to himself. 

Hendery flips through the paper over and over again to see if he can find Xiaojun’s advice column, but he can't. He can't, that is, until he looks back at the front page. 

On the very smack front of the newspaper in bold lettering is Xiaojuns advice column, titled “5 Foolproof Steps to Say “I'm Sorry” and “I Love You too” to the Guy that's Always Taken Notice in You” 

Hendery feels an overwhelming amount of Deja Vu mixed with about 100 different emotions he can't fully tap into at the moment as he continues to read the article.

1). Make sure they are reading this article.  
I know you read the paper every week, even though you have to read it over and over and over again before it even gets released due to your job. You’ve always been this paper’s number 1 fan and our biggest supporter. So even though you weren't here to edit it this week, I knew you would still be reading the paper when it was released, I just didn't know if you would read this column. So what I needed to do was to go to pro staff and beg them to let me on the front page, so that I could catch your attention, and that you wouldn't be able to look away. 

2). Set a time and place.  
I want to see you so I can tell you in person. So that I can make you understand that I’m writing out the truth. So that you can feel the love radiating off of my body wrapping itself around you, protecting you from all of the bad shit and past memories trying to break you down. The time is 4:00pm after your last class today, the place is our usual spot. I hope to see you there.

3). Just do it.  
I need to just cut the bullshit and do it. There's no right or wrong way to confess, and I’ve already f*cked up big time, so I wont be beating around the bush here. I want to be as blunt and as straightforward as possible. I honestly can't wait to tell you in person, that…..

4). I'm sorry.

5). And I love you too.

The paper slowly falls from Hendery’s hands as he tries to process everything that's he’s read from the column, but the more he tries to process, the less he understands. So he latches on to the only thought he can hear over the noise in his head, and he follows it. Just as he had begun to do that fateful night in Xiaojuns dorm room.

Hendery’s running as fast as his feet can humanly take him. It's only 10 am right now. He’s not meant to meet Xiaojun till 4:00 pm but there's no way in hell he can wait until then. He’s been waiting for so long and he can finally see the starting line beckoning him forward, there was no way he could wait a second longer. Not after reading that.

Xiaojun confessed. 

He really confessed. And through the paper nonetheless. Xiaojun confessed to Hendery through the medium that he loved the most in the world, on the paper that gave him a chance at finding a real home with others. 

Hendery knows that Xiaojun knows how much this paper means to him. And the fact that Xiaojun pulled so many strings in order for this to happen made Henderys chest tighten with so much many emotions, two of which are a bit louder than the rest, love and thankfulness. Hendery is so extremely thankful to have Xiaojun in his life. 

So he does what he can and he runs. He runs because he has to see Xiaojun, he has to meet Xiaojun, he has to hear Xiaojun say what he wrote on the front page of the universities weekly paper. He runs to Xiaojun, because even though feelings are scary, and love is painful, he is excited to see this love grow, and is comforted by the fact that someone as trustworthy as steadfast as Xiaojun can help him nurture it. He may not be fully ready to say it with ease, or to hear it without a certain ache in his heart, but the fact that he is willing to hear and say it at all speaks volumes. 

He runs to Xiaojun because he can undoubtedly feel a page in his life, written for him that he has been trapped in for so long, finally beginning to turn. And he is so excited to get to the blank page on the other side, and start actively writing his story for himself. 

Hendery finally arrives at Xiaojuns dorm room, sweating bullets and out of breath as he rapidly knocks on the door. Every second he stands there waiting for the door to open, winding him up even further. 

“Kun what the fuck, you said you'd be here at twe-” Xiaojun freezes, door only half open as he looks up at Hendery. “Oh, hey” Xiaojun whispers lowly, still staring at Hendery with a look of awe and longing mixed in his eyes. 

Hendery wonders if that's how he’s looking at Xiaojun right now. 

“Hey,” answers Hendery lamely “Can I come in?” 

“Oh. Uhhh yeah sorry, come in '' Xiaojun says stiffly while opening the door all the way. 

Hendery sighs because he seriously can't take one more second of the awkward tension in the air. 

“Listen dude, I just ran like 2 miles to get here after reading your fucking confession in the schools official newspaper and I’ve got two things to say right now. 1). That confession better have been about me or i'm gonna cry '' Hendery stops to brush back a piece of Xiaojuns hair before finishing off softly “and 2). I love you so fucking much its unreal”

Hendery’s faces crinkles up and he goes a bit rigid after finishing.It feels weird to say the allusive L word, and to be honest, it is going to take a lot of practice, time, and getting used to, before he can say it with ease. But looking at Xiaojuns face light up afterwards makes it worth it. 

Xiaojun feels relief flood spread through his body, as stress makes its way out immediately, and only realizes that the stress has taken its form in the way of tears when Hendery uses the back of his hand to brush them all away. 

“You’re so infuriating” says Xiaojun, hitting Hendery softly on the chest “I was supposed to say it first this time” Xiaojun complains lightly while hiding away in the same spot on Hendery’s chest that his fists had just been.

Hendery laughs wetly while taking Xiaojun’s face in his hands. “I'm sorry babe, but I couldn't help it. I’ve been waiting to tell you for so long, and last time wasn't exactly great” grumbles Hendery to himself. “But let's forget about that one and start new from here. What do ya say?” Hendery smiles cheekily, a large contrast to the tear tracks staining his cheeks. 

“Hmmm, as enticing as that may seem, I think no '' Xiaojun says matter of factly. “I’m gonna remember the first one because I still have to say I’m sorry, which I am by the way, really super stupidly incredibly sorry. Also, I love you too. So much it's overwhelming” mumbles Xiaojun back in the comfortable space on Henderys chest. Xiaojun can't help but feel that he was made to fit inside of Hendery's warm arms. 

Xiaojun can feel Hendery laughing above him and he looks up at him curiously. 

When his eyes meet Hendery’s, Xiaojun swears he can see stars. Hendery’s eyes are shining like the brightest of galaxies, matched with a smile so bright that it can put the sun to shame. 

“I think I could get used to hearing that” Hendery says playfully while leaning down. 

“I am so glad to hear that, because I don't think I’ll be able to stop saying it '' Xiaojun answers back honestly, sighing against Henderys lips as they finally meet in a kiss that took years in the making. 

Their first kiss didn't feel like the sparks or the fireworks in the movies, it felt like the paper: warm, welcoming, and a lot like home.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhahah so uhm, i kinda projected onto Hendery a little bit with the whole "problems with feelings thing" but i just wanted to let yall know that you deserve to love and be loved!!! If someone else has been writing your story so far, there will come a time when theres a pause or a break in the story. Use that opportunity to take over your life and start writing the narrative for yourself. Its extremely difficult and super scary, but its worth it. I believe in yall and love yall lots. Thank you so much for reading my work <33 and please leave comments below on what you liked/disliked on the fic!! I would love to learn from yall!! Also big thanks to the mods for all of their hard work making this fic fest run so smoothly. Yall are awesome!!!
> 
> also, @moshimarker is my twt acc!


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